Monday, October 12, 2009

The God of coin flips.

In my life, I have had at least three experiences that I consider . . . supernatural. The first was my move to Minnesota and my time there. (Click here for one entry.) The third was when I donated a large sum of money and later received almost exactly the same amount of money. And the second? That is below.

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It was January, 2008. I was living in the San Francisco Bay Area and working at Genentech. I was also trying to find God, to know if he really existed.

I had a pamphlet entitled, "How Can I Know What God Wants Me To Do?"; it was from May 2006, when I was deciding if I should leave Minnesota and return to California. The pamphlet mentions a story about Francis Schaeffer, a well-respected Christian pastor and author. When he was 19, Francis had a crucial life decision to make. Francis prayed and wept, but he was still unsure of God's will.

Finally, in desperation he took out a coin and said, "Heads, I'll go."

It was heads.

Then he pleaded, "God, be patient with me. If it comes up tails this time, I'll go."

It was tails.

"Once more, God. Please let it be heads again."

It was heads.

And Francis Schaeffer went.

That story was frightening to me. After all, it was just a coin! What if it had flipped the other way?

Schaeffer later said that he would never advise anyone else to use the same method of finding God's will. My first reaction was, "Of course! Don't put your fate in the hands of a coin! Schaeffer sure was lucky!"

However, at some point I began to think, "Why do I assume that it was simply luck? What if it really was God?" Schaeffer's God was the God of the Bible--an all-powerful, all-knowing God. If God were really out there, then he could make a coin flip heads or tails three times in a row. God could make a coin flip heads ten times in a row, if he wanted . . . .

I had read in the Bible that we are not to test God. Nevertheless, God had had mercy on Gideon when he asked for a sign, and God had had mercy on Francis Schaeffer. Maybe "testing God" and "asking God" were qualitatively different? Maybe the former is done with a poisonous heart, but the latter can be done with a humble heart?

So, I decided to ask God for a sign, like Gideon and Schaeffer had done. I asked God to show me if he was really there. I asked God to be merciful.

And, I asked God to make a coin flip heads, ten times in a row.

I had a pen and a piece of paper to record each flip as it happened. I had a quarter. I promised to do all ten flips and record them, whatever the result. For each flip, I would place the quarter over my thumb, flip the quarter into the air, let it land on the ground, and record that result.

Of course, even if God were there, he might not answer. One could argue that I had nothing to lose: if the flips looked random in the end, then maybe God had just declined to do anything.

I can only say that I tried not to have that mindset. I was trying not to test God, but rather to sincerely ask him, beg him, for help. However, I naturally braced myself for any "bad news."

I put the quarter over my thumb. I think I was trembling a little. And I held my breath.

<flip>

Heads.

"Heads!" I thought. "Maybe I should just stop here?" However, I had promised to do ten flips, so I kept going.

<flip>

Heads! That's two.

<flip>

Heads! Three.

<flip>

Heads! Four.

<flip>

Heads! Five.

<flip>

Heads! Six.

<flip>

Heads! Seven.

<flip>

Heads! Eight.

<flip>

Tails.

Tails. After eight heads in a row, the ninth flip was . . . tails. What?!

I paused briefly. I would have paused longer, but I had already decided to do all ten flips. I could wait until after that to think about what this meant.

<flip>

Heads! Nine heads and one tails.

It was heads, one last time.

Or was it the last?

"What if I keep going?" I thought.

<11th flip>

Heads!

<12th flip>

Heads!

<13th flip>

Heads!

<14th flip>

Heads!

<15th flip>

Tails.

<16th flip>

Tails.

Two tails in a row. I decided to stop . . . .

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From Coin flips
A recap of what had happened: I had asked God for ten heads in a row, as a sign that he exists. I flipped eight heads, then one tails, then five heads, then two tails:

HHHHHHHH-T-HHHHH-TT

So, I had really asked for one thing to happen, and technically it didn't. But a strangely similar thing happened instead. What do I think this all meant?

First, I feel that God truly answered my request: He exists! (Or, more honestly, at least something God-like exists, or some things.)

Second, God can indeed flip coins. Whether it is three flips in a row, eight, fourteen, or fourteen thousand, God is in control. He is stronger than the laws of probability, the laws of physics.

Third, God is paying attention. I was only one person, in my room alone, out of a world of 5+ billion. Is it more likely that he just happened to be passing by as I was making my request, or that he is actually aware of everything everywhere?

Fourth, God is relational. I am not sure how to explain this. Assuming that God would reply, I sort of expected one of two responses: a clear "no" (randomness), or a clear "yes" (ten heads in a row). However, God knew me enough and cared enough to give me what I personally needed. Again, I don't know how to express the personal nature of my request or the personal nature of his response, and there are some things that I have not mentioned. But, I will say that what he gave me was more than I had asked for, and more than I had even imagined. (See Ephesians 3:20.)

I close with a clarification: Almost two years after this event, I am still seeking God, and asking him to find me. I believe there is someone out there, and he is incredible. However, is he the God of the Bible? And what does that really mean, since millions or billions of people believe in the same Bible but interpret it differently? I am still trying to figure that out.

Whatever the truth is, I at least believe in a God of coin flips, and I am grateful that he is here.

I hope this will help you know that you are not alone.

1 comment:

zuhan said...

Seek God =) and you will see the truth. God bless you! Continue to seek for Him! I've already found Him.