6 Dates with SaraJean: A Love Story? (Date 2!)

Last time: I recounted Date 1. It started as a simple lunch at an Ethiopian restaurant, but it turned into a surprise let's-have-SaraJean-meet-the-relatives-right-now salmon dinner! Since I had planned Date 1, now it was SaraJean's turn!

After SaraJean read the previous entry, she thought some people would think "SaraJean's turn" meant it was her turn to write on this blog! I know everyone would love that, including myself. Alas, that's not the case.

Also, I didn't take any photos on Date 2, so we'll have to use our imagination. Sorry!

Date 2 was June 2, 2012, three weeks after our first date. A few things happened in between:

1) I got to meet SaraJean's good friend Freya, who was visiting from out of town. I definitely wanted to make a good impression. When a guy is starting to date a girl, I don't think it matters what his guy friends think. But for a girl, I think it can matter a lot what her girlfriends think. (At least, it worked out really well for a friend of mine. They're now happily married with two kids.)

What did Freya think about me after we met? I heard she said something like, "I really don't know. He's so different from everyone else!" I'll take that. =)

2) SaraJean ran a half-marathon. A good day for me is walking a half-block-a-thon.

3) It was Caltech's Ditch Day! SaraJean and I explored the campus the night before, and a little the day-of. (I got lucky and was able to help out with a stack in Avery House: the Dominion stack, based on the card/board game.)

4) We both spent a weekend at church camp, at Pepperdine University. We hung out with other friends but also with each other, playing basketball, solving a jigsaw puzzle, and playing a card game called "Nertz."

I took one photo at church camp: Joseph and his newborn baby. Joseph was in SaraJean's Bible study group at church; we call them "sedaqah" groups. SaraJean and I are both outliers in our sedaqah groups: I'm the oldest in my group, and perhaps a lot older than the average. SaraJean is one of the younger people in her group, and for awhile everyone else was couples and families.

5) Oh, one other thing happened that I should share. The week of Date 2, SaraJean wrote me a long email, which included these words: "I did not like how you spoke to me in the car. … I felt like throwing your iPad at you."

And now it was time for Date 2!

Ok, so I'm not presenting the context for the above. Suffice it to say, SaraJean was really mad at me. She never did throw anything at me. We talked and made up. I suppose it was our first fight. (FYI, I'm really glad that SaraJean told me how she felt.)

And I forgot to mention something from Date 1: I really wanted to start things off on the right foot, so I asked SaraJean if we could pray together. I vaguely remember us holding hands when we did it. And we had hugged briefly at the end of Date 1. I didn't get a chance to drive SaraJean home and drop her off at her door, so we didn't get that stereotypical chance to kiss. I was definitely hoping for that for Date 2, or maybe Date 3, since that would be my turn.

Date 2 started with SaraJean telling me, "I don't think we should have any physical contact until after the 6 dates."

…

…

… I'll talk about that later.

We started with a nice walk to SaraJean's favorite park. (Not holding hands, of course….) On the way, SaraJean treated me to her favorite frozen yogurt place, "Cherry on Top."

We then walked to the park, eating our frozen yogurt and talking. I'm sure we talked about a lot that day, but one thing we especially talked about was her family. (Her mom lives in Saudi Arabia but was visiting the U.S. soon. And SaraJean was planning a trip back to Colorado for her dad's birthday.)

By the way, here's the outside of the Cherry on Top in Pasadena. I've been there several times, but now that I see it this way, it makes me wonder: What's on the second and third floors?

After dessert, SaraJean drove me to a Yucatan restaurant that she really likes. (I should say that SaraJean doesn't own a car. However, she had asked a friend if she could borrow a car for our date!) I don't know if I ever told SaraJean this, but I think I got food poisoning from what I ate that night.

SaraJean had a surprise in store for our date. However, I think we started too late, so I never found out what it was. Instead, she improvised a different surprise … by driving me to the top of Mount Wilson!

Mt. Wilson is a famous hiking/driving destination for Caltech, since it's just a few miles north of campus. Nevertheless, I had never been there! I don't have a picture of the entire mountain, so just imagine a mountain in the distance. =)

At the top of Mt. Wilson is an observatory and a ton of radio antennae. This photo is from 2009, when there was a fire threatening the area. (The plane is dropping fire retardant.)

The drive was really twisty all the way up, and I got a teeny bit car sick. SaraJean told me that she also gets car sick, so that's why she wanted to be the one driving up!

At the top, nothing was open, including the parking lot. So, we just parked along the side of the road and walked around. The view was great. I don't have a picture of it, so just imagine a really nice view of Los Angeles and the entire valley, with all the city lights. =)

I didn't think there was anything to do or anywhere to go up there at night. However, SaraJean found a slightly empty patch of ground right next to the road, put a blanket down there, and told me to sit. She had a bag of stuff, and out of it she pulled a board game called "Uptown." It was a little dark, but we placed the board on the blanket and started to play.

Uptown is an easy-to-learn, hard-to-master game. Each player has the same set of pieces, and each piece can be placed in a specific section, row or column, depending on what it is. The goal is to place all your pieces such that they're connected in one contiguous shape (or as few shapes as possible).

While we're playing the game, I take a few moments to just enjoy things. It's pretty different up there, at the top of a mountain with these giant antennae towering above you, and the city below. All quiet, and no one else around. Plus, it was a full moon! It was really quite romantic … until I remembered our new no-physical-contact rule. =)

At some point during our game, a large spider suddenly crawled across our blanket! I totally freaked out. Did I mention that SaraJean hopes to go to graduate school for entomology? That's the study of bugs.

We finished the game (SaraJean won on a tiebreaker), and I still had to drive home. When I think about this date, I feel like we stayed on Mount Wilson all night long, until the sun rose. But in truth, we stayed only until midnight, then we drove back down the mountain. Along the way, we talked about personality types, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

So that was Date 2. It started as a normal walk in the park and dinner, but it transformed into a mountaintop adventure playing a board game among the creepy crawlies of the earth!

I should say that, in my mind, a lot of the things we did that night were romantic. But that's probably because I had romance in mind. Many times when SaraJean and I hang out, she's really not thinking about romance; she's just having fun. I guess that must happen a lot: guys and girls having different perspectives on what a particular date is about.

Finally, I said I'd talk about SaraJean's request for "no-physical contact" throughout our 6 dates. I agreed to this immediately, because, well, what choice did I have?

But seriously, I did agree, and I thought it was a good idea. I wanted to be clear, so I asked if she really meant no physical contact at all, including holding hands, hugging, or even just a pat on the shoulder. The answer was essentially yes, nothing at all. At that point, perhaps I should have asked for more time to think things through…. Anyway, this rule will certainly come up later.

So: At the end of Date 2, I was mostly very happy. On the flip side, SaraJean had planned such a great date, I felt some pressure for planning Date 3! (SaraJean would note that the best parts of Date 2 weren't planned at all. =)

The next date would be next weekend, June 9, 2012. We had a no-touching rule to live with. And, SaraJean's birthday was that month! Pressure!

Next time is Date 3: Saved by dirt!

6 Dates with SaraJean: A Love Story…? Date 1.

Last time: SaraJean said she liked me. I was interested but not ready to be in a steady relationship, so we agreed to go on a series of 6 dates first. I promised to tell you about Date 1.

Before we continue, I want to mention that SaraJean and I hung out several times between dates, but we didn't count them as "official dates." However, if something significant happened then, I will mention that.

From My cell phone

For example, SaraJean and I had our "First Date" (ooohhh!) on May 12, 2012. But about a week beforehand, I got to care for her because she was sick in bed. (I brought her dinner, and we talked a little.) Looking back, we were already learning important things about each other: SaraJean doesn't like asking for help sometimes, and I don't like texting a lot because I have a prepaid plan and a phone without a good keyboard for texting.

Anyway, Date 1 was a Saturday, and it was my turn to plan. My assumption was that these dates would be very casual and laid back. So, I planned just to take SaraJean to lunch.

But where for lunch, for our First Date? Such an important question! I was learning that SaraJean likes surprises. That didn't help, since I couldn't ask if she wanted to go to restaurant X or eat cuisine Y. (FYI, I can't stand scary surprises. Other types of surprises I might like, after I've had time to think about them. =)

I decided on Ethiopian, since it's different and my favorite cuisine, and I'd always wanted to try one of the restaurants in Little Ethiopia. (Little Ethiopia is like Chinatown but Ethiopian, and smaller.) To be a little safe, I did ask SaraJean if she likes Ethiopian food. (She said she likes that you eat it with your hands. =)

One reason I like Ethiopian is that there are no extra plates or silverware. You really do eat everything with your hands, using a special bread to wrap everything. At the end of the meal, there's just a center plate left over. Good for the person washing the dishes!

There were a couple things different at this Ethiopian restaurant. At left is a photo SaraJean took of me. Notice the knob in front of my hands? That's because I'm sitting on a –saddle–!








Also, we ordered a fish, which I'd never had at an Ethiopian restaurant. It still had all its bones, so it didn't quite work with the bread sandwich. But I'm pretty sure I still liked it!

After lunch, we took a short walk, then it was time for me to bring SaraJean home and end Date 1. I felt it had gone well enough for a first date! Also, I already had plans to visit my Uncle Al afterward.

However, I gave SaraJean the option to come with me to Uncle Al's (or maybe she asked). It was one of those watershed moments. She could have said no, but she said yes. Then, when we got to Uncle Al's, my cousin Gayle said she was also coming, and my cousin Cindy as well. Did SaraJean want to stay for dinner? Again, she said yes! (Whew!)

On the other hand, SaraJean and I were still on our first date, so it seemed a little early to introduce her to family. However, I was learning from SaraJean how to go with the flow. =)

There was still time before Gayle arrived, so we relaxed in a nearby park. SaraJean is always saying I should just be myself. Here, I'm doing just that!

Gayle and Cindy arrived, and Cindy had brought her two kids and their dog (Katie, Luke and Yogi). I was glad Cindy brought them, because SaraJean loves playing with kids. Also, I suspected the kids would get me to reveal facets of myself that might otherwise go unseen, and that would be good in the end.

I was right, I think…. My cousin Katie started with simple hide-and-go-seek stuff, but somehow that morphed into pretend-to-be-a-jumping-animal, such as a frog or kangaroo. Then, that morphed into pretend-to-be-a-mutant-jumping-animal, so we jumped around sideways while flailing our arms and sticking out our tongues. (Blleaah!)

From Date 1

Meanwhile, Gayle and Cindy made salmon, and we all enjoyed a wonderful dinner.

Also, Cindy lives much closer to SaraJean than I do, so Cindy gave her a ride home. Since it was our first date, I really wanted to drive SaraJean home, but it would have been an extra hour of driving. However, before I said goodbye to SaraJean, I stole a hug while we were alone.

Oh! I should also mention that I gave SaraJean flowers when I picked her up at her apartment. I don't remember exactly what flowers I got, but it included lilies. I mention this because it was the first time I ever gave a girl flowers on a date. (BTW, Trader Joe's has a nice selection.)

In the end, I felt Date 1 went really well. Thank you, Gayle, Cindy, and Uncle Al!


Hmm…. What did I mean when I thought the date went really well? Honestly, I felt that SaraJean had probably had a good time, and that her opinion of me probably went up. But how did I feel about SaraJean? I couldn't tell in that moment. I think I was just trusting that I'd know her better, and my own feelings, as we spent more time together.

But I do remember really enjoying our first hug. =)

From Yum's graduation

The day after our first date was Sunday, and I knew SaraJean didn't have any plans. However, I was busy. I was driving up to Sacramento, as it was Mother's Day, my sister was graduating, and I really wanted to visit my best friend Glenn and play the new video game "Diablo 3" with him. At that point in time, one could reasonably accuse me of having the following priority list (first being the most important): Diablo 3 (a video game) -> Glenn (best friend) -> Mary (sister) -> Mom -> SaraJean.

Clearly, some things would have to change. =)

Next time: Date 2. SaraJean's turn!

6 Dates with SaraJean: A Love Story…?

Everyone likes a love story, right? However, I feel most popular love stories are not … they're not fair. They're disingenuous. The fictional stories are contrived. Then there are the real love stories, but they're told in hindsight. The problem with hindsight is that we tend to filter with bias: we don't mention the times we were wrong, the other people we said we were in love with before, the many moments of foolish uncertainty, and the many moments of foolish certainty.

Recently, I went on several dates with a girl. I'll call her, "SaraJean." SaraJean is very important in my life, but I didn't want to blog about her, in case it didn't work out. And then I realized, well, maybe the not-knowing is what makes it worth writing about. It's what can make it truly a love story. So, I will share, anyway.

From Tommy's

I first met SaraJean three years ago, around June 8, 2009. (I know because I checked my Gmail archive. =) At the time I was living in Seattle, but I had come to Los Angeles with my friend Glenn for vacation. SaraJean was dating a guy I knew from Caltech, and the four of us played the board game "Settlers of Catan" at my friend Shay's house.

Here's a photo of me, Glenn and Shay from that trip.

I blogged about the trip, but I didn't mention the board game or SaraJean. Honestly, I probably didn't pay her much attention.

Fast forward to January of this year. I had moved to LA and was attending the same church as SaraJean. She was no longer dating anyone. However, I was trying casual dating, so I tried not to think about girls I already knew. (I had recently had my hopes broken that way.)

I told friends and family that I was interested in casual dating, and several of them were very supportive. I also tried speed dating. Nevertheless, every Sunday, I do something that really isn't about meeting that special someone: I have lunch with several "wiser" people from church. I am often the youngest person there, but I like them.

A couple of times, SaraJean came to lunch. After one of these times, my friend Charles said to me, "Geoff, I don't know why you keep looking for someone, when you've got such a nice girl here."

That was the turning point. I started thinking, "Hmm, maybe I really should consider SaraJean and I?" It was like the Bonnie Raitt song, "Something to Talk About." =)

I should clarify: As a single male, I had definitely thought about SaraJean before, in a what-if kind of way. But I didn't really think about her that way. Perhaps it was the way Charles said it, or the timing. Or perhaps because I respect him. Whatever the reason, I am grateful.

The photo at left is Charles and his wife Joyce, skiing.

By the end of February, I decided to ask SaraJean out on a casual date. Partly, I thought she might be interested in me. However, I was wrong! SaraJean just wanted to be friends: I had misinterpreted her friendly nature as something more. (Probably the first guy to ever make that mistake with a girl. =) Anyway, I thought that was that.

In March, I prepared to go to Africa for two weeks with the charity Mercy Ships. Most importantly, my Auntie Nancy in Seattle had urged me to write a support letter and send it to friends and family, soon. I had been delaying a few weeks, but I finally wrote it and emailed it to a bunch of people, including SaraJean.

SaraJean later told me that that was a turning point for her. I guess she realized there might be more to me than she had thought. We talked a lot more after that, including about our experiences with God. (It turns out there was a lot more to her than I had thought. =)

Then, I had a very eventful Easter.

From Easter

It started with waking up super early for sunrise service at church. Then, I also went to the regular church service. I had lunch with my usual "wiser" group. Then, I visited my uncle, and SaraJean came by to talk. SaraJean and I walked around the park and sat in my car, talking for a few hours. Finally, SaraJean told me that she did like me!

What should I do now? I was still interested in casual dating, but SaraJean didn't like the idea of dating multiple people at a time. I had already met some other nice girls. It was a lot to think about, and I was still preparing for my trip to Africa in just a couple days. To top it off, that Easter was my birthday!

What a day! At left is a care package for Africa, from some church friends.

For a few minutes, I actually tried to figure everything out, then and there. Thankfully, I realized we should pray. So, SaraJean and I prayed together in my car. Afterward, I knew the right answer: I needed more time (and sleep!) to think, and I couldn't rush such an important decision. So, I told SaraJean I would let her know when I returned from Africa.

From Mercy Team Alison

I've blogged a lot about Mercy Ships and Africa already. What I didn't mention is that while there, I also thought about SaraJean (and other girls).

I returned from Africa at the end of April. Shortly before then, I had decided that I did want to date SaraJean. But to do that properly, I would need to respect her wishes and stop seeing other girls. I wasn't quite ready for that, as another girl had lent me two books to read on my trip, and I wanted time to finish them and return them in person. Since I wasn't ready to go steady, I asked SaraJean if she wanted to go on a couple of dates first….

Honestly, I was expecting that I would finish the books in a week or two, and SaraJean and I would eat a couple dinners and watch a couple movies in that time. If there were any serious issues, I would reconsider then. Otherwise, I would return the books to the other girl, SaraJean and I would go steady, and everything would be happily ever after.

If you're laughing, you can stop now. =)

A few days later, SaraJean agreed to go on a couple dates, sort of. She said she thought a few prospective dates was a good idea. I asked how many. She said, "6." Ok….

We also agreed to alternate who was in charge of planning each date. Finally, we promised to go through with all 6 dates no matter what, and then we would talk about whether to be in a relationship.

Hmm. Was this a good idea, or a bad one? At the very least, we would have 6 dates to get to know each another. And if two people are willing to go on 6 dates with each other, that's a good sign, right?

On the other hand, I really had no idea what I was doing. I have been in only one other relationship, six years ago, and in that one I did quite badly. How much did I really know about dating? About SaraJean? About myself?

SaraJean and I had our First Date on May 12. Date 2 was on June 2. And Date 6? Well, it hasn't happened yet. It's fair to say it may never happen. It's also fair to say that my feelings for SaraJean have matured a lot since Date 1, and hers for me.

Earlier, I wrote about not knowing. I think not-knowing makes life meaningful, because when the good things do happen, they're not taken for granted. Truly, I do not know how this story ends. It is an open book. However, if it is any sign, I still choose to call this a love story.

I will tell you the story of the 6 Dates, and the events between. I feel I want to, whatever happens.

Next time: Date 1, May 12, 2012. Geoff's turn.