6 Dates with SaraJean: A Love Story? (Date 5)

Ah, Date 5. Also known as, "Geoff's last chance." =) That's because I got to plan the odd dates (1, 3, 5) and SaraJean got to plan the even dates (2, 4, 6). So this was my last chance to make a good impression in the role of date planner.

Date 4 was June 16, 2002: the kite. Date 5 was July 14. What happened in the month between?

Let's start with the kite at the end of Date 4. I always thought that had been the start of SaraJean's relationship doubts, but I'm not so sure anymore. I looked at our old emails, and we seemed pretty much the same. Then, SaraJean flew home to Colorado for a weekend while I attended an anime convention. Besides family in Colorado, there was extra drama going on in SaraJean's family. Then, when SaraJean got back to LA, her ex-boyfriend–we called him Jason in the previous post–flew into town to visit her. Jason's plan was that they would go up to San Francisco somehow, because he had a friend's wedding to attend, then they would go to the wine country and ride bikes and go wine tasting with friends.

So, Jason and SaraJean hung out for a couple days in LA. Then they were going to drive up to SF with our friend Erik, but he had to cancel. So I decided to drive up with them. My main reason was that, since Jason was flying out of SF, I would get to drive back to LA with just SaraJean and myself. I thought that 6-hour drive together would be a good bonding experience.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, a few things changed:

1. I started to really, really like SaraJean.
2. SaraJean started to have serious doubts about our "compatibility."

Go figure?

I was trying to remember when my feelings for SaraJean first started to change. I think it was the kite, and just how different it was. And I definitely got jealous when Jason came back, so that probably helped my feelings along. And going to Anime Expo alone or being apart for so long probably contributed, too.

Anyway, by the time Jason's friend's wedding arrived, my heart had turned completely to SaraJean. So, while we waited for the wedding to finish, I happily drove us to Monterey Bay Aquarium. I know my heart was completely turned, because even though the aquarium was open only a couple hours more and admission was still full price ($35/ea), I *wanted* to go, and I *wanted* to pay. =)

When did things change for SaraJean? She might say the kite, but I wonder if the visit home also seeded doubt. (Her parents are divorced, plus there's been extra drama in her family.) And I can't but wonder if Jason coming back played a role.

And remember our different MBTI personality results? Having a test that tells you how different you are may not have been wise. =) (My opinion is that different personalities are good in the long run, because you'll always be stretching each other to develop. Then again, if I were dating a girl with the same personality as I, I might say the opposite. =)

At least we have similar love languages. =)

A few days or weeks after the aquarium, SaraJean and I talked about it again. She thought I didn't like her much at that time, which really surprised me. There were all these little things I did, because I liked her. However, she interpreted them oppositely. What's interesting (and sad) to me is that once one starts doing that, it's a downhill slope. It's like, "Why did he do that? Oh, again?" instead of "Oh, how sweet! Boy, he's trying." It really reminds me of the importance of attitude, as mentioned in the previous post.

At this point, I want to say that for me, attitude comes from commitment. Which is why commitment is so important to me.

Another funny thing from the aquarium: this wasn't an official date. But while going there, SaraJean said, "It sure seems like we should consider it a date." I said no, because I wanted to save Date 5 for something else (below). But inside, I also thought, "It sounds like she just wants to get the Dates over as quickly as possible, because she's lost interest in me." I guess I also needed an attitude check.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure SaraJean had a good time at the aquarium. And you can tell I was trying hard–perhaps too hard?–because there are a lot of photos. =)








After the aquarium, we picked up Jason. That Sunday, we went to Sonoma and went bike riding and wine tasting. I don't have any photos of that handy, but it was good exercise and fun. (Except for me being jealous of Jason hanging out with SaraJean. Thank goodness my friend Steph was there.)

On Monday, things got messy. Since we were near my hometown of Sacramento, I wanted SaraJean to visit my mom and meet my grandma, who's in her nineties. As you can imagine, this was really important to me. The plan was that Jason, SaraJean and Steph would hang out during the day while I went home. Then, Jason would go to SF (either via Steph or public transit), and SaraJean would visit my home for dinner. Instead, all three of them ended up going to SF for the entire day and evening, so I was feeling quite despondent.

However, it sort of worked out. SaraJean was still willing to come really late to my house and stay overnight. Steph also came. Tuesday morning, they had breakfast with my mom, grandma and sister. SaraJean and I had a long walk through the parks near my house, down to the river. And we talked.

From Monterey Bay Aquarium

A wise man once told me, "Stick to your guns." Actually, it was a friend who was hurt by a girl who had strung him along. My friend and I had recently talked, and I remember how he wished he had at least stuck to his guns. You know, say what he wanted to say, not what he thought she wanted to hear. Do what he wanted to do, not just what she wanted to do.

I felt SaraJean was hiding something, and I remembered my friend's hard-won advice. So I kept asking until she finally admitted it: she had serious doubts about us being "compatible enough" to ever make it as a couple.

From SaraJean, Mom

Strangely, I was sort of happy with this breakthrough. I was glad I was right, because it meant my intuition wasn't crazy. And I was glad that SaraJean had finally been honest with me. I think it's really hard to have a relationship when someone is hiding how they really feel. Sometime between that moment and now, SaraJean and I became really honest with each other. And so many times, that has made all the difference.

After our walk and talk, SaraJean and I had to return to LA. So here it was: the 6-hour drive together that I had been waiting for all along! Of course, SaraJean had just told me that she basically felt we should break up. But, she was stuck in the car with me until we got home, and we still had two dates to finish. =)

From Ron, Muriel, SaraJean: Hometown Buffet

On the way to LA, we stopped in Fresno to visit my Auntie Muriel and Uncle Ron. I was really looking forward to seeing them. For one thing, if SaraJean was worried about people being too different to make things work, then maybe it'd be good to see how my aunt and uncle make it work. Besides, more and more, I find that I just love my relatives. =)

After Fresno, it was late but we still had to get home. SaraJean slept in the car while I drove. But there was a lot of construction and traffic, it was hot, and I ignored my grandma's advice and didn't pack enough water. What's funny is that it was the happiest I have ever been in traffic. I was like, "More traffic? Great!" You see, SaraJean still had serious doubts about us, and I knew this might be our first and last road trip together. So, I was in no rush for the trip to end.

We got back to LA very early on Wednesday. Date 5 had to be that Saturday. Had SaraJean already given up hope? ("Geoff, stick to your guns!")

On Saturday, I picked SaraJean up around noon and gave her some sunflowers. I didn't have a plan for where to eat, so we went to Five Guys Burgers since I'd never been. It was good, but I still prefer In-N-Out.

I had learned that SaraJean likes surprises. (I like discussions. =) So, I didn't tell her where we were going. She thought we might be going all the way to San Diego for Comic Con!

But no, I had put my hope in "The Hobbit." Not a hobbit, like Frodo Baggins from "Lord of the Rings." "The Hobbit" is the book that takes place before "Lord of the Rings." But instead of reading the book, or waiting for the film which comes out this December, we went to a play!

The play was at the Maverick Theater in Fullerton. The Maverick is a small, quaint theater. I knew about it from my good friend Nick McGee. I was really looking forward to this for a few reasons:

–The play was adapted from the book by one of Nick's friends, who was the director. So this was a very local, unique opportunity.

–I saw the play two years ago, and it was great! I wanted to see what was the same and what was new.

–Nick is the hobbit!!!

SaraJean didn't know that last part, or really anything about the play. I just told her that my friend was in it.

Alas, I didn't take any photos of the actual play, and I don't think they'd do justice, anyway. But just imagine, you have to have an epic adventure with dwarves, elves, goblins, wizards, dragons, men, trolls, spiders and, yes, the hobbit. And you have to cross fields, valleys, mountains, caves, bridges, dungeons and forests. And there are battles, riddles, adventures and fellowship. All in one set, with a handful of local actors. But they did it, and it was awesome.

I'll just say, the trolls were especially amazing. Three 12-foot-tall monstrosities came out of nowhere, and they were each controlled by three puppeteers in black, so the effect was really surreal.


"This is amazing!"











Here we are in front of the set. This arch behind us did quadruple-plus duty as a hobbit hole, bridge, gate, dungeon, mountain pass, cave, and many other things.

After the play, Nick came out and I introduced SaraJean to him. I don't know if it really mattered to SaraJean which person in the play was my friend, but I felt honored to know *the* Hobbit. =)

From Date 5

Nick and I! It's too bad I didn't get any photos of people in costume. The first year, they created a giant mechanical spider that came down from the ceiling. This year, they used a girl dressed in black, on stilts. Both were really amazing.

Afterward, the three of us ate dinner at Baja Fresh. Then, SaraJean and I had a nice, long drive home. We watched some of the anime show "Maison Ikkoku." And I said some of the things that were really on my heart. ("Geoff, stick to your guns!")

So that was Date 5, my "last chance." Really, it was just watching a play that my friend was in. But for some reason, I felt really good about it. I had really wanted to share the experience with SaraJean, and it almost didn't happen. (We went on the last day.) It's a really fun, unique play, and they may never do it again. Probably more importantly, Nick is a good friend of mine, so I was glad he and SaraJean could meet.

And now, it's time for a reality check. When I started these posts about 6 Dates, I said that "maybe the not-knowing is what makes it worth writing about." And indeed, SaraJean & I still don't know the end of this story. It's reasonably conceivable that SaraJean and I could be together tomorrow, or separated next week, or married in a month. (Just kidding, Mom! That last part is because a couple friends got married at the courthouse. =) Moreover, there's a lot going on in both our lives right now. It's actually shaping into a time in which we really have to trust Jesus. I don't quite know what I'll write next time, and I think SaraJean knows even less. All I can say is that A LOT happened between Date 5 and …

… Date 6: You Think You Know Someone….

6 Dates with SaraJean: A Love Story? (Date 4)

This post is nominally about the 4th Date for SaraJean and me. But it's actually about something else.

Date 4 was June 16, 2012, a week after Date 3. SaraJean doesn't own a car, so usually I drive to visit her. (We live 45 minutes apart.) However, for this date, SaraJean borrowed a friend's car. Also, she told me we were going to the beach, but the rest would be a surprise!

SaraJean arrived a little late, and I thought something had gone wrong with the preparations. But actually, she said she was late because she was worried I wouldn't like her idea for the date. Of course, I assured her that she was wrong and that I'd love whatever idea she had.

Perhaps I was too cavalier …

This was SaraJean's idea: build a kite and fly it at the beach. But by "build," she didn't mean to put one together from a kit. She had some leftover material from a friend's attempt to build a blimp, and she had some sticks and string from a craft store. We would put all that together from scratch, and then we'd drive to the beach and hope it flies!

Now, the Geoff who is writing this thinks a certain way about this idea, and I'll share that later. But the Geoff who was on Date 4 was really thrown by this idea. I'll try to explain.

When SaraJean said we were going to the beach, but with a surprise, I instantly thought we might go fly a kite. Why? Several years ago, I had a relationship with a girl I'll call Fio. Long story short, I broke up with Fio, then later I wanted her back, but she had a new boyfriend, whom I'll call Jason. Fio and Jason's first date was to fly a kite at the beach.

Oh, and SaraJean's previous relationship was with this same Jason.

SaraJean came up with the kite idea on her own, so my correct guess was just a coincidence. However, I had already prepared myself mentally to fly a kite, and I felt I could handle that and we'd have a fun time. What I wasn't expecting was to build a kite from scratch. You see, I don't have much experience with building things with my hands, and I have a really poor intuition for physics, including how things fly. I really didn't know where to start. In my mind, I saw us cobbling together something very flimsy. We couldn't test it beforehand, since the beach was an hour away. So, we'd probably drive all the way there, only to have the kite fail miserably, like falling apart or never getting off the ground. Also, I imagined that Jason and SaraJean had probably flown kites at the beach several times, so she'd always compare our "lame" date with previous "fun" dates.

Now, if you think that I totally had the wrong attitude, I agree. However, I'm sharing how I really felt at that time.

Another thing I got wrong: I assumed SaraJean hadn't tried to prepare much. After all, we weren't using a kit, we didn't have instructions or "official" kite-building materials, and neither of us had built a kite from scratch before. But despite this, SaraJean had tried hard in her own way. For example, she had been planning this for several days. Also, she didn't have kite string on a spool, but she had spent several hours going to craft stores looking for it. (Remember, she doesn't own a car.) The "kite material" was a weird shiny material from a blimp, but she had played with it a bit and thought it might work. Most importantly, SaraJean had tried to figure out how we would attach the shiny blimp material to the kite's wooden frame….

In hindsight, a lot of things could have worked for that. Staples. Glue. But what SaraJean came up with was both creative and cute: We ironed duct tape.

You see, SaraJean had already tried using duct tape on the blimp material. I think that worked okay but not great. Then, she tried folding the duct tape to make it double-sided. That wasn't tight enough. But *somehow*, SaraJean figured out that ironing the duct tape, in just the right way, worked. So, when SaraJean arrived for our date, she even brought her iron! (That was very good, because I have no idea if we even have an iron at our house. Two bachelors live here. =)

My impression of SaraJean went way up from this duct-tape epiphany. It reminds me of those movie moments when the guy sees the girl in a new dress with her hair done up, and time freezes for a moment, and then his whole attitude starts to change.

However, I mentioned earlier that I was really thrown by the idea of building a kite from scratch and trying to fly it. I didn't know what to do, so I basically did nothing. I sort of tried to look busy organizing or cleaning up, while SaraJean did almost all of the cutting, tying, and, yes, ironing.

Not one of my prouder moments.

We rested a bit while building the kite. I think that was when we spent some time reading our MBTI type descriptions and discussing how accurate we thought they were. Since our types are a bit different, it was a really good exercise. (We should probably do it regularly, as we're always learning more about each other.)

The main difference between my personality type and SaraJean's is that I'm a strong "J" and she's a strong "P." A theoretical example:

"Js tend to offer decisive opinions on most topics, while Ps are less likely to do so, often preferring to answer a question with another question." (From "Type Talk" by Kroeger and Thuesen.)

Another example:

"Ps are capable of generating alternatives to any situation, while Js tend to get locked into one method." 

Sadly, I didn't realize how well that described the current kite-building situation. (Js also need time alone to process new ideas.)

So, what happened with the kite?

From Date 4

Actually, it was pretty cool. There was a lot of wind at the beach, which was good. The kite nose-dived into the ground at first. However, we adjusted the strings, and then we could keep the kite airborne for short periods of time.

Also, the blimp-material-plus-ironed-duct-tape worked great. It was very strong but light, and it was cool to see the shiny kite reflect the sun. Even better, we could look through the kite and see the sun! (It's that little speck in the photo, glinting behind the kite. From the upper-left corner, it's about 1/4 of the way to the right and 1/4 down.)

Afterward, we were going to have a little picnic at the beach, but it was too windy and a little cold. So, we went to In-N-Out and planned to have a combination burger-picnic there. SaraJean seemed happy that I had finally tried to get the kite flying with her. However, she seemed thrown off when it was time to actually eat. She excused herself to get something from the car, but then she just sat in the car for awhile. (I asked if she needed anything, but she just wanted to be alone.) Eventually, she came back in and we ate a little.

Going into Date 4, I think SaraJean really liked me, and up until then I had given her only reasons to like me more. But maybe this date gave her some doubts. In any case, things got rough in the weeks after. Ironically, I think Date 4 was the second stage of me really starting to appreciate and like SaraJean, which made my caution melt away. In hindsight, I came to really like the idea of making a kite from scratch and flying it at the beach. It's the kind of thing I'd like to do with my kids someday. But hey, why wait? I only wish I could have appreciated things earlier.

SaraJean and I talked about this date a lot in the weeks afterward. One way to sum it up would be to say that SaraJean gave it her all, even when I wasn't pulling my weight. I suppose one could be generous and say that I eventually tried to pitch in, but it was too little, too late.

…

Wait, drat it! It's too early for doom and gloom! The truth is that the story gets rough, but there will be a comeback. And then, well, it's like in the opening post: I have a lot of hope, but I really don't know how this love story will go, especially as I write this on October 11, 2012.

I used to dwell on "the kite date" a lot, and it used to really bother me. But you know what? I decided I have to move on. I think reflection is good, even to the point of regret. But then, we have to learn those lessons and move on. SaraJean and I learned that we have fundamental differences in our personalities, and that will require work in our relationship. (Like most good things!) I learned that I need to be a little more flexible and risk messing up. SaraJean learned that I respond a lot better when she does a bit of a "hit-and-run": hit me with the idea, then give me a few minutes alone to think about it. And since we stopped dwelling on past mistakes, we've also realized that we have a lot in common.

For example, we re-learned something that we both strongly believe in: The importance of attitude.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes." (Chuck Swindoll)

Ultimately, the most important thing I learned from Date 4 is something that I should have known from the beginning:

SaraJean is worth it.

I hope the kite lasts forever.

Next time, on Date 5: A friend, and a hobbit. (Yes, hobbit!)

6 Dates with SaraJean: A Love Story? (Date 3)

Last time: SaraJean took me out on a date! We went to the top of Mt. Wilson at night. It was great, except … she also asked for a "no physical contact" rule until all 6 dates were over! And with that, it was my turn. =)

Date 3 was the next weekend, on June 9, 2012. At least three things happened around this time:

1) One of the pastors at my church, Pastor Julie, cut off her long, brown hair to donate.

2) SaraJean took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality test.

3) Two of SaraJean's friends, Marc & Mika, bought a house.

Why do I mention these three things? 2) might be obvious, but let's go in order.

1) So Pastor Julie cuts her hair, and she's going to donate it. She's been growing it for two years, just for this purpose. Julie also has a little girl. And wouldn't you know it, before Julie could mail off her hair, Julie's daughter found it and had a wonderful time taking it apart and playing with it. The hair was now a tangled mess and unacceptable for donation.

Pastor Julie told me the story at church camp. I asked what she was going to do now. She said she couldn't bear to throw out the hair; she would cry just thinking about it. But the only way to restore the hair would be for someone to separate the strands one by one and line them all up. That sounded right up my alley, so I said I would do it!

The next week, Pastor Julie met me at church and handed me a bag containing her hair. It was definitely a funny exchange.

My plan was to use some tweezers, take out each strand one at a time, and use masking tape to line them all up. It'd be simple enough, so I could watch a movie while doing it.


Three movies later, I had barely done anything. It turns out that the hair looked okay on the surface, but it was deceptively difficult to untangle. And you know what? The average human head has over 100,000 hairs! I can't imagine even counting to 100,000!

Also, I realized I know nothing about hair, especially women's long hair. So, I asked SaraJean for advice. =) She had some good ideas, but it was still too hard, so I improvised.

The photo at left looks like I'm dissecting some crazy hair beast. And, yes, I had to buy hair clips.

One improvisation was to soak the hair in oil, to make it easier to work with. I didn't have lots of conditioner, but I had a lot of canola oil. You can see it in the left of the photo, in the container and in the ziploc bag. I soaked the hair in the canola oil overnight, to see if that helped. It actually did, but not enough.

One improvisation deserves another, right? I bought some conditioner to see if that worked better. However, I didn't have enough to submerge all the hair in it. So I thought, "Well, if I put the hair and conditioner in a bag, and put that in the dryer, maybe it will tumble around and mix better?"

That sooo did not work. Instead, the hair became a ball of even-more-tangled hair.

From Hair

Pastor Julie's precious hair was now truly unfixable. And it looked like … a giant hairball, of course. (Growing up, we had a cat.)

In the end, I had to admit defeat and apologize to Pastor Julie. Thankfully, she took it in stride.

Ok, so maybe that didn't have a lot to do with SaraJean. =)

2) SaraJean's MBTI personality profile is ENFP. She's pretty strong along all 4 scales. Me? I just took the test, and I'm I(S/N)FJ. (I'm in the middle of the scale for S/N.) However, I also took the test in 2005 and was (E/I)STJ. So in the past seven years, I've become more I, less S, way more F, and I am still a strong J. Our personality types will certainly come up in future posts. In the meantime, if you want to take the test, go here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes1.htm. I'd love to know what you get. (Include the numerical breakdown!)

3) Marc & Mika bought a house. This really was relevant! =) Date 3 was my turn to plan, and SaraJean had raised the bar. I had only a week, and her birthday was around the corner. But then, Marc & Mika needed help with their backyard, and SaraJean asked if I was interested. So, that became Date 3. Also, I was planning to pick a place to eat afterward, but our friend Daniel was having a BBQ, so we went there instead. Whew!

I didn't take any photos of Date 3, either. (Sorry!) Does that mean this is the end of this post?

…

…

Of course not. =) Didn't you wonder why Marc & Mika needed help with their backyard? =)

In fact, it wasn't just to dig up dirt. Marc & Mika needed help because their entire backyard–just underneath the top layer of dirt–was full of trash.

Trash like this. This is Marc & Mika's backyard. While I didn't take photos of Date 3, Mika took photos on a day when other friends were helping. Thank you, Mika!

In fact, in the photo, SaraJean is in the very-back-right, in the green shirt.

The backyard looks "normal" from a distance. But if you dig down just a little, you'll find trash. And more trash. Apparently, the previous owners had been foreclosed on and were squatting. They probably didn't have trash service, but they were still generating trash. One improvisation deserves another?

They found all kinds of things. Cement blocks. Pottery. A tire. Food waste. Plastic bags full of leaves. I think there was even a toilet. Here, Mika found an apron!



I wasn't there when these photos were taken. But for Date 3, just imagine me working hard, standing next to SaraJean. =)

From Digging (from Mika)

They filled a dumpster!


Mika likes gardening, so eventually, they WILL get everything cleaned up and looking beautiful. After that, no one will be able to look at the backyard and imagine that it was once, literally, a dump.

So, Date 3 was digging up garbage in a friend's backyard! But I had fun, and I think SaraJean did, too. We got to talk and get to know each other better, we helped out some friends, and we exercised. I still had to figure out something for SaraJean's birthday, but Date 4 would be SaraJean's turn again. What would she come up with this time?

Next time is Date 4: A Kite of Wonder and … regret?