Date 4 was June 16, 2012, a week after Date 3. SaraJean doesn't own a car, so usually I drive to visit her. (We live 45 minutes apart.) However, for this date, SaraJean borrowed a friend's car. Also, she told me we were going to the beach, but the rest would be a surprise!
SaraJean arrived a little late, and I thought something had gone wrong with the preparations. But actually, she said she was late because she was worried I wouldn't like her idea for the date. Of course, I assured her that she was wrong and that I'd love whatever idea she had.
Perhaps I was too cavalier …
This was SaraJean's idea: build a kite and fly it at the beach. But by "build," she didn't mean to put one together from a kit. She had some leftover material from a friend's attempt to build a blimp, and she had some sticks and string from a craft store. We would put all that together from scratch, and then we'd drive to the beach and hope it flies!
Now, the Geoff who is writing this thinks a certain way about this idea, and I'll share that later. But the Geoff who was on Date 4 was really thrown by this idea. I'll try to explain.
When SaraJean said we were going to the beach, but with a surprise, I instantly thought we might go fly a kite. Why? Several years ago, I had a relationship with a girl I'll call Fio. Long story short, I broke up with Fio, then later I wanted her back, but she had a new boyfriend, whom I'll call Jason. Fio and Jason's first date was to fly a kite at the beach.
Oh, and SaraJean's previous relationship was with this same Jason.
SaraJean came up with the kite idea on her own, so my correct guess was just a coincidence. However, I had already prepared myself mentally to fly a kite, and I felt I could handle that and we'd have a fun time. What I wasn't expecting was to build a kite from scratch. You see, I don't have much experience with building things with my hands, and I have a really poor intuition for physics, including how things fly. I really didn't know where to start. In my mind, I saw us cobbling together something very flimsy. We couldn't test it beforehand, since the beach was an hour away. So, we'd probably drive all the way there, only to have the kite fail miserably, like falling apart or never getting off the ground. Also, I imagined that Jason and SaraJean had probably flown kites at the beach several times, so she'd always compare our "lame" date with previous "fun" dates.
Now, if you think that I totally had the wrong attitude, I agree. However, I'm sharing how I really felt at that time.
Another thing I got wrong: I assumed SaraJean hadn't tried to prepare much. After all, we weren't using a kit, we didn't have instructions or "official" kite-building materials, and neither of us had built a kite from scratch before. But despite this, SaraJean had tried hard in her own way. For example, she had been planning this for several days. Also, she didn't have kite string on a spool, but she had spent several hours going to craft stores looking for it. (Remember, she doesn't own a car.) The "kite material" was a weird shiny material from a blimp, but she had played with it a bit and thought it might work. Most importantly, SaraJean had tried to figure out how we would attach the shiny blimp material to the kite's wooden frame….
In hindsight, a lot of things could have worked for that. Staples. Glue. But what SaraJean came up with was both creative and cute: We ironed duct tape.
You see, SaraJean had already tried using duct tape on the blimp material. I think that worked okay but not great. Then, she tried folding the duct tape to make it double-sided. That wasn't tight enough. But *somehow*, SaraJean figured out that ironing the duct tape, in just the right way, worked. So, when SaraJean arrived for our date, she even brought her iron! (That was very good, because I have no idea if we even have an iron at our house. Two bachelors live here. =)My impression of SaraJean went way up from this duct-tape epiphany. It reminds me of those movie moments when the guy sees the girl in a new dress with her hair done up, and time freezes for a moment, and then his whole attitude starts to change.
However, I mentioned earlier that I was really thrown by the idea of building a kite from scratch and trying to fly it. I didn't know what to do, so I basically did nothing. I sort of tried to look busy organizing or cleaning up, while SaraJean did almost all of the cutting, tying, and, yes, ironing.
Not one of my prouder moments.
We rested a bit while building the kite. I think that was when we spent some time reading our MBTI type descriptions and discussing how accurate we thought they were. Since our types are a bit different, it was a really good exercise. (We should probably do it regularly, as we're always learning more about each other.)
The main difference between my personality type and SaraJean's is that I'm a strong "J" and she's a strong "P." A theoretical example:
"Js tend to offer decisive opinions on most topics, while Ps are less likely to do so, often preferring to answer a question with another question." (From "Type Talk" by Kroeger and Thuesen.)
Another example:
"Ps are capable of generating alternatives to any situation, while Js tend to get locked into one method."
Sadly, I didn't realize how well that described the current kite-building situation. (Js also need time alone to process new ideas.)
So, what happened with the kite?
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| From Date 4 |
Also, the blimp-material-plus-ironed-duct-tape worked great. It was very strong but light, and it was cool to see the shiny kite reflect the sun. Even better, we could look through the kite and see the sun! (It's that little speck in the photo, glinting behind the kite. From the upper-left corner, it's about 1/4 of the way to the right and 1/4 down.)
Afterward, we were going to have a little picnic at the beach, but it was too windy and a little cold. So, we went to In-N-Out and planned to have a combination burger-picnic there. SaraJean seemed happy that I had finally tried to get the kite flying with her. However, she seemed thrown off when it was time to actually eat. She excused herself to get something from the car, but then she just sat in the car for awhile. (I asked if she needed anything, but she just wanted to be alone.) Eventually, she came back in and we ate a little.
Going into Date 4, I think SaraJean really liked me, and up until then I had given her only reasons to like me more. But maybe this date gave her some doubts. In any case, things got rough in the weeks after. Ironically, I think Date 4 was the second stage of me really starting to appreciate and like SaraJean, which made my caution melt away. In hindsight, I came to really like the idea of making a kite from scratch and flying it at the beach. It's the kind of thing I'd like to do with my kids someday. But hey, why wait? I only wish I could have appreciated things earlier.
SaraJean and I talked about this date a lot in the weeks afterward. One way to sum it up would be to say that SaraJean gave it her all, even when I wasn't pulling my weight. I suppose one could be generous and say that I eventually tried to pitch in, but it was too little, too late.
…
Wait, drat it! It's too early for doom and gloom! The truth is that the story gets rough, but there will be a comeback. And then, well, it's like in the opening post: I have a lot of hope, but I really don't know how this love story will go, especially as I write this on October 11, 2012.
I used to dwell on "the kite date" a lot, and it used to really bother me. But you know what? I decided I have to move on. I think reflection is good, even to the point of regret. But then, we have to learn those lessons and move on. SaraJean and I learned that we have fundamental differences in our personalities, and that will require work in our relationship. (Like most good things!) I learned that I need to be a little more flexible and risk messing up. SaraJean learned that I respond a lot better when she does a bit of a "hit-and-run": hit me with the idea, then give me a few minutes alone to think about it. And since we stopped dwelling on past mistakes, we've also realized that we have a lot in common.
For example, we re-learned something that we both strongly believe in: The importance of attitude.
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past . . . we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes." (Chuck Swindoll)
Ultimately, the most important thing I learned from Date 4 is something that I should have known from the beginning:
SaraJean is worth it.
I hope the kite lasts forever.
Next time, on Date 5: A friend, and a hobbit. (Yes, hobbit!)
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